Mary M. Purdy Compassionate Evolution:
...: Gratitude Creating a Kinder Daughter I hear so many people saying including mys...
Sunday 25 January 2015
Gratitude Creating a Kinder Daughter
I hear so many people saying including myself, I want to live in a world where we are kinder to each other, kinder to ourselves, and certainly kinder to the earth and her beings. So why aren't we kind? What stands in the way of us being kind, compassionate? Scientist did a research project with very young children, the scientist dropped I think a pencil or something and was pretending to try and pick it up, really struggling to reach it, and the children would rush over to help the scientist. So we are born kind, the seed of compassion is there. Then what happened? As we develop what happened to kindness?
I think a reason could be that we learn not to feel safe, not to trust and our hearts close, we protect our hearts so we become self-centered. Is it the other people who are not kind, or is it me? I certainly think I am a kind person. What does kindness, compassion look like? When am I not compassionate, kind?
Well, put me in a car with my mother for an hour and....... She repeats something over and over and I can feel irritation build, judgement, unkind thoughts, my heart is closing, I certainly do not feel kind or compassionate. My body tenses, my eyes narrow, my jaw starts to clench, shoulders come up, when I speak it is short sentences and the tone is sharp.
The good news is there is antidote that is working for me, gratitude. When I feel this all arising in me I take a deep, slow breath and say to myself "I am thankful that I have good health", "I am grateful there are practices, training I can do to keep my mind and brain healthy" as I say this to myself, I feel my heart open, soften, my body relax, and I can practice compassion with my mother, practice open, reflective listening and be more compassionate with myself.
What practices, or thoughts do you have on how we can co-create a kinder world? We are in this together and I do like to hear your thoughts because we can and learn so much more when there is a dialogue happening between us.
Mindfulness Practice
Friday 9 January 2015
Mary M. Purdy Compassionate Evolution: CALL...
Mary M. Purdy Compassionate Evolution: CALL...: CALLING ALL TIRED WOMEN We women are really struggling these days, trying to be all things...
CALLING ALL TIRED WOMEN
We women are really struggling these days, trying to be all things to all people and being mostly nothing to ourselves. Most of us have at least two jobs, one in the home and one outside, to which we just can't seem to be enough and give enough, (or at least that is what we tell ourselves...often). Most of us do not feel appreciated, acknowledged for all we do, how we are feeling is not being validated, seen for who we are vs how we look and how much we can do. Most of us would like to slow down, simplify our life but the world seems to be speeding up and becoming more complex. What to do? No, no more doing you say!!!! OK I understand, how about undoing some during our day to nurture ourselves. We are very good at nurturing, we are born nurturers, it is an innate ability we have.
Why not use this gift we have and give freely to others, whether we are a school teacher, nurse, clerk, carpenter, truck driver we at sometime during our day if not most of it using our nurturing abilities to support someone- use it to support ourselves. We have to stop looking outside of ourselves for nurturing, we need to start nurturing ourselves. Yes, we can have friends and family members who also nurture us, but as you feel, it is not enough. Because FIRST and FOREMOST we need to nurture ourselves, when others nurture us that is icing on the cake.
What do we want to model for our daughters, for the girls in our lives? What are we teaching them as they watch us and listen to us, learn from us? What are we modeling for our sons the boys in our lives that this is how women should be in the world? We model for them that women are fine being exhausted, they don't say "NO" no matter how tired they are, we send them mixed messages, treat women well with respect, but we don't treat ourselves well. Let's model self-compassion, compassionate friendship with ourselves, forgiveness, yes we screw up but we forgive ourselves with a loving heart and do better when we know better, self-care: getting quality sleep and enough, setting healthy boundaries, saying "NO" without guilt, eat food that help us flourish, makes us feel energetic, light, thankful and that we feel good about after we eat it, that it is a right have a treat once in a while without guilt or shame, that dancing is a very good thing anywhere, anytime, hugs are a gift to give and receive, courage to be who you are, authenticity, practice gratitude at the dinner table, at bedtime what is it about yourself you are grateful for..ex. I am grateful that when I smile my heart feels lighter, today I saw our cat playing with snowflakes and I starting laughing, this is not easy we are so used to saying what we are grateful for about other people or situations,give it a try. The practice of gratitude is very good for the heart, mind and body. Demonstrate that we need each other, we are interconnected -like your emotions are contagious, and to reach and ask for help is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of courage.
As women we need to nurture ourselves and each other, this life is NOT a competition we all want to be happy, we all deserve to be happy. So, let's be a model for our children, for each other, this is where the rubber hits the road, we can talk all we want, now let's walk our talk. I'm walking and falling down, getting back up, determined and calling you to walk with me hand in hand, heart with heart to make this the kind of world we will be proud for our daughters and sons to inherit. Love to all, mary
We women are really struggling these days, trying to be all things to all people and being mostly nothing to ourselves. Most of us have at least two jobs, one in the home and one outside, to which we just can't seem to be enough and give enough, (or at least that is what we tell ourselves...often). Most of us do not feel appreciated, acknowledged for all we do, how we are feeling is not being validated, seen for who we are vs how we look and how much we can do. Most of us would like to slow down, simplify our life but the world seems to be speeding up and becoming more complex. What to do? No, no more doing you say!!!! OK I understand, how about undoing some during our day to nurture ourselves. We are very good at nurturing, we are born nurturers, it is an innate ability we have.
Why not use this gift we have and give freely to others, whether we are a school teacher, nurse, clerk, carpenter, truck driver we at sometime during our day if not most of it using our nurturing abilities to support someone- use it to support ourselves. We have to stop looking outside of ourselves for nurturing, we need to start nurturing ourselves. Yes, we can have friends and family members who also nurture us, but as you feel, it is not enough. Because FIRST and FOREMOST we need to nurture ourselves, when others nurture us that is icing on the cake.
What do we want to model for our daughters, for the girls in our lives? What are we teaching them as they watch us and listen to us, learn from us? What are we modeling for our sons the boys in our lives that this is how women should be in the world? We model for them that women are fine being exhausted, they don't say "NO" no matter how tired they are, we send them mixed messages, treat women well with respect, but we don't treat ourselves well. Let's model self-compassion, compassionate friendship with ourselves, forgiveness, yes we screw up but we forgive ourselves with a loving heart and do better when we know better, self-care: getting quality sleep and enough, setting healthy boundaries, saying "NO" without guilt, eat food that help us flourish, makes us feel energetic, light, thankful and that we feel good about after we eat it, that it is a right have a treat once in a while without guilt or shame, that dancing is a very good thing anywhere, anytime, hugs are a gift to give and receive, courage to be who you are, authenticity, practice gratitude at the dinner table, at bedtime what is it about yourself you are grateful for..ex. I am grateful that when I smile my heart feels lighter, today I saw our cat playing with snowflakes and I starting laughing, this is not easy we are so used to saying what we are grateful for about other people or situations,give it a try. The practice of gratitude is very good for the heart, mind and body. Demonstrate that we need each other, we are interconnected -like your emotions are contagious, and to reach and ask for help is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of courage.
As women we need to nurture ourselves and each other, this life is NOT a competition we all want to be happy, we all deserve to be happy. So, let's be a model for our children, for each other, this is where the rubber hits the road, we can talk all we want, now let's walk our talk. I'm walking and falling down, getting back up, determined and calling you to walk with me hand in hand, heart with heart to make this the kind of world we will be proud for our daughters and sons to inherit. Love to all, mary
Monday 5 January 2015
Mary M. Purdy Compassionate Evolution: ...
Mary M. Purdy Compassionate Evolution: ...: LOVE A Vital Nutrient So here goes, I want to write about a brilliant book I just fin...
LOVE A Vital Nutrient
So here goes, I want to write about a brilliant book I just finished reading 'LOVE 2.0' author Barbara L. Fredrickson, PH.D. This book made so much sense to me, that love is a nutrient, important to our well-being. This supreme emotion affects everything we feel, think, do and become, Dr. Fredrickson has on the book cover. I have been afraid of love most of my life, didn't really understand it, no wonder look who we learn love from. We learn about love from our parents or main caregivers, boyfriends, girlfriends, society, culture, media no wonder there is so much misunderstanding and fear of love. It can be pretty scary to say "I love you" and really feel it, authentically, allow your heart to be open, vulnerable. And love is being researched and the results described in this book in a way that we lay people can understand. The research shows that more than happiness and even optimism, love holds the key to improving our mental and physical health as well as lengthening our lives and deepening our personal experience. Fredrickson defines love as a momentary state that arises to infuse your mind and body alike. Love is connection. "Love is the momentary upwelling of three tightly interwoven events: first, a sharing of one or morepositive emotions between you and another; second, a synchrony between your and the other person's biochemistry and behaviours; and third, a reflected motive to invest in each other's well-being that brings mutual care." Fredrickson 's shorthand for this is positivity resonance, and is also a skill that can be taught and learned. This skill love, needs to be cultivated in our intimate relationships, communities, schools and workplaces, globally. This book provides exercises, practices to cultivate, build love in ourselves and for ourselves and to expand out to others, even globally. Frederickson says compassion is love. I hope you pick up this book, borrow it from the library like I did, check out the websites for resources, tools to cultivate love, compassion in your life positivityresonance.com and www.positivityratio.com or just type in Dr.Barbara Fredrickson you will also find youtube videos. Did you eat enough vegetables today, and did you cultivate enough love today...get all your nutrients!!!
So here goes, I want to write about a brilliant book I just finished reading 'LOVE 2.0' author Barbara L. Fredrickson, PH.D. This book made so much sense to me, that love is a nutrient, important to our well-being. This supreme emotion affects everything we feel, think, do and become, Dr. Fredrickson has on the book cover. I have been afraid of love most of my life, didn't really understand it, no wonder look who we learn love from. We learn about love from our parents or main caregivers, boyfriends, girlfriends, society, culture, media no wonder there is so much misunderstanding and fear of love. It can be pretty scary to say "I love you" and really feel it, authentically, allow your heart to be open, vulnerable. And love is being researched and the results described in this book in a way that we lay people can understand. The research shows that more than happiness and even optimism, love holds the key to improving our mental and physical health as well as lengthening our lives and deepening our personal experience. Fredrickson defines love as a momentary state that arises to infuse your mind and body alike. Love is connection. "Love is the momentary upwelling of three tightly interwoven events: first, a sharing of one or morepositive emotions between you and another; second, a synchrony between your and the other person's biochemistry and behaviours; and third, a reflected motive to invest in each other's well-being that brings mutual care." Fredrickson 's shorthand for this is positivity resonance, and is also a skill that can be taught and learned. This skill love, needs to be cultivated in our intimate relationships, communities, schools and workplaces, globally. This book provides exercises, practices to cultivate, build love in ourselves and for ourselves and to expand out to others, even globally. Frederickson says compassion is love. I hope you pick up this book, borrow it from the library like I did, check out the websites for resources, tools to cultivate love, compassion in your life positivityresonance.com and www.positivityratio.com or just type in Dr.Barbara Fredrickson you will also find youtube videos. Did you eat enough vegetables today, and did you cultivate enough love today...get all your nutrients!!!
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